Sanity Lost

I'm sitting at the computer now for the first time today.  My baby daughter is sound asleep in her crip, my first moments of quiet since ten am this morning.  Whoever says that babies spend most of their days sleeping has never met my girl, H.  From the time she's up in the morning, she is up.  Instead of sleeping when she becomes tired she just gets fussy... and fussier... and finally so fussy that I sometimes want to break down and cry.  But, wow, when she does finally drift off to never never land I just about die.  My heart is so full of love for that little baby, it's like nothing I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams. All I want to do is gather her back up in my arms and hold her sleeping body, feeling her heartbeat against mine.  After the hours and hours of screaming, I, of course, know that this would be the most counter productive thing I could do, so instead I just watch her.  But finally now at eleven thirty pm, with my husband at work and H sound asleep, with heavy eyes and an aching back, I'm sitting at the computer for the first time today, putting it out into the universe that I'm in love with that most precious being.  I always knew that I would love her, but I never could have imagined knowing that my heart would simply stop beating if anything ever happened to my little sleeping angel.